pey-shuhns | noun
[ i ] the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain,
without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
[ ii ] an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness
or annoyance when confronted with delay
[ iii ] quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence
I am not the most patient person. I know it. My parents know it. Even some of my friends know it, though they may be hesitant to admit it. When I was a kid I used to scrape up my knees cuz my legs wouldn't move as fast as I wanted them to when I ran. The time spent sitting in the car to go anywhere felt like ages. Even now, I'm the commuter that stands by the doors of the train as they open so that I can get on sooner. Not that I'm vying for a seat or anything, I'm just not the type of person that will wait for the crowd to clear before getting on. Mind you, I'm also not the commuter that sprints for the stairs (just to clarify). I try to strategize where on the platform to board the train so that when I get off I'm right by the staircase and one of the first up/down. This is solely because I hate walking behind slow stair climbers/walkers. Again, impatience, I'm aware.
Now don't get me wrong, sometimes impatience isn't a bad thing. It makes me more efficient in what I do so that I'm not wasting time. It also gives me a sense of urgency at times to get things done, which offsets my procrastination. More often than not though, my impatience is the culprit for some... no wait, many problems, ranging from making decisions too quickly and not considering other possibilities/consequences usually due to heightened emotional reactions, getting annoyed easily especially when something doesn't turn out as I had hoped/planned/expected, reacting abruptly when things take too long and just "doing it myself" or "taking matters into my own hands."
I've been trying to be better at the whole being patient thing. I've been more conscientious of my actions and reactions. I've tried to not jump to conclusions/decisions. I've tried to listen first and speak later (a habit that I've had since even before I can remember). Adding to the personal aim of being more patient is all the stuff we've talked about in small group: the first quality of love is patience; one of the fruits of the Spirit is patience. I did a keyword search on Biblegateway and came up with the following: 16 results for "patience" and 27 results for "patient". Undeniable that patience is a quality to be desired and sought after. And as though the two aforementioned reasons were not enough, I've been reading Passion & Purity by Elisabeth Elliott and this is an excerpt from one of the chapters about waiting:
steadfastness, that is holding on; patience, that is holding back; expectancy, that is holding the face up; obedience, that is holding one's self in readiness to go or do; listening, that is holding quiet and still so as to hear.
Truth be told, I need to work on all of the above. So here's what I'm trying for: 21 days of Patience. At work we were told that psychologically it takes a minimum of 21 consecutive days to successfully change behaviour. Now in reality it probably takes more than 21 days, but it's catchy and it's at least a benchmark to aim for. I'm hoping to try to exercise more patience in the next 21 days. I don't really know what that entails, but I'm presuming a lot of what goes against that which I am innately inclined to do. So maybe instead of wanting to walk past the slow TTC commuters to just walk behind them and learn to slow down, even in the time of commuting. Maybe it means intentionally holding my tongue and listening first before speaking, and making sure what I speak builds up rather than tears down. Maybe it requires waiting until heightened emotions dampen, whether in response to disappointment, delay, or disagreement, and making decisions after the head and heart have cooled.
Sounds simple enough, right? If you know me, you'd know that this is actually quite a gargantuan task. Never before have I truthfully, openly, and honestly acknowledged this flaw of mine and intentionally taken steps to try to correct it. Here's hoping that I at least make some progression towards being more patient. I'll probably never be as patient as some other people I know, but I got nothing to lose in trying :)